Rewriting Fairy Tales : Finding the Ever After in Being Happily Unmarried ❤

Rewriting Fairy Tales : Finding the Ever After in Being Happily Unmarried ❤

They say, "In a world full of Kim Kardashian's, be an Ayesha Curry." ...... I say, "In a world full of people that want to tell you who to be.....always choose to be yourself."

 When I was a little girl, I imagined that I would one grow up and marry Romeo from Immature, drive a sparkly Toyota Tercel, we'd have Quintuplets, and live happily ever after in a cute little brownstone in Brooklyn......... Ok, maybe the quints were a stretch, but I was a vivid dreamer. Lol. I was also an introvert, a tomboy, and a late bloomer, which is a recipe that makes for a pretty non-existent romantic life. As a teenager who didn’t quite belong anywhere, i was still trying hard to fit in everywhere…. so I would either live vicariously through my friends' adventures with boys, or I was forced to invent my own, via embellished and/or fictional relationships. Lol. But, as I grew older, I also had to find the balance between my beloved imagination, and growing into my tangible reality. And that reality was, boys are stressful, AF. Lol. I remember my first crush, my first kiss, and the first time i cried over a boy and i thought it was the end of the freaking world. I'm sure we all did. And being raised by a single mom, who was also navigating her way through her own personal life, provided a more realistic example for me of how to handle myself, and maybe what to expect out there. Truth is, everybody doesn’t get the Brady Bunch and the white picket fence. So it helps to be as best prepared as possible for the “unconventional” circumstances that life might throw your way. But of course, I eventually learned my most applicable lessons in dating, by experiencing my own first hand personal relationships. In college I had my first "real" boyfriend as a somewhat adult, and well, that means .......... i also had my first grown up “adult” heartbreak. That relationship specifically, and its result, set the course for my love life, and was the inception of me learning to look at myself, outside of myself. I was still young, but i was constantly having to figure out how to process emotions i never had before, because after all, these WERE emotions i never had before. That relationship taught me what kind of person I wanted to be as a girlfriend by forcing me to re-evaluate my communication skills, and my coping mechanisms, well as setting the standard for what I was attracted to in a partner…..and regardless of what they tell you, there's no rule book to this shit. The problem is, many people will try to convince you that there is. Don't believe the hype, sis. Life comes at you fast, so make sure you take advice from the right folk, while staying true to defining who you are, and being okay with that. Make sure your perspective on a successful relationship is rooted in your own intuition and not someone else's expectations of you, OR the unrealistic expectations you might place on yourself, based on outside influences. Some people will be quick to put you in a box, so be sure to characterize your own womanhood, motherhood, and femininity for yourself.

 It was a warm Saturday afternoon the day everything came full circle for me. I was sitting at lunch with some friends and family, when someone asked me “So, girl ….. when are you gonna domesticate yourself?” Normally, whenever someone in my family asks me something on the lines of what im doing with my life, I’m quick witted on my feet and already locked and loaded with a sarcastic comeback such as, “It’s a surprise.” Lol, but this time I just kinda sat there with a blank stare on my face, and I replied, “Good question.” Sometimes, people say things out loud that sound so stupid, that they obviously didn’t think about it before it came out of their mouth. Or maybe they did, and in that case, I’m not sure what’s worse. So, i just shrugged it off. But, it made me start to think, when AM I going to domesticate myself? Or, even better….WTF does that even mean?? I mean, I knew what it meant, but what does it mean to ME? Until that moment, I never really thought of myself as “un-domesticated”, so to speak. I was a single mom, on the brink of 30 years old, with no husband or even a hint of a fiance’, I had a decent job, maybe two lol, and a healthy social circle of friends. Maybe i dont knit blankets and bake pies every Sunday afternoon after church service, but not every "domesticated" woman does. Its all about not trying to push your self-defined image of proper representation on other people. For instance, I am now 33 years old and I still live with my mom, and Im completely unapologetic about it because its a decision that works best for ME. Besides, my mom loves to cook, I hear noises late at night, and I hate killing bugs, so it helps when you know you’re not always home alone, lol. When I was young, after my grandparents retired, they played a very active role in their grandchildren’s lives, making sure we always had a ride from school and someone at our basketball games if our parents were working late, or something came up. Im blessed that my son is able to experience that support system as well, while I work on rebuilding up myself, my credit, and paving the financial path for us in the future. I could easily live in my own apartment, pay someone else rent and utilities, just for the peace of mind of “having my own”, that’s cool and all, but its more important for me to have a realistic sense of economic stability than to uphold a shallow image of independence. I think where people get confused is when they see a grown woman (or a man) still living with her parent(s), they assume he/she is a freeloader, or something of the sort. But the gag is, I still have bills, im just not spending as much as I would be if I were living alone. Being unmarried and all, i just decided to place myself in a better position to save. And if that looks "Undomesticated", then so be it. But, in a generation of constantly evolving stereotypes and gender roles, im not even sure what the image of domesticated would look like anymore. So, I stepped out of my bubble, and I took a look around. I remember seeing girls I knew from high school blasting their new relationships on social media, being swept off their feet with star studded engagements and proposals, then having lavish weddings to follow, only to get divorced before they even finished their 20's. Along these same timelines, I had friends of mine who never seemed to view marriage as a short term goal for themselves, but they were now investing in solid long term romantic commitments. I knew that I fell somewhere in between, I just wasn’t sure where. That same girl who once daydreamed about having quintuplets with the man of my dreams, just isnt sure that i see marriage on my agenda anymore. Im not gonna lie and say that I dont want it, or ive never wanted it, but as i once heard someone say recently, "Marriage was never considered a personal accomplishment for me." Its not something I study for, something im tested on, or something that i can say i actually set out and achieved after my own hard work and perseverance. Its not something i put on my bucket list or something i consider a Its a relationship solidified between two people based upon  unconditional love and their own individual commitment to each other, and that's something unfortunately everyone isnt able to experience. Some people dont want to get married, and some people want nothing more, but the lesson comes in finding what works for YOU, and how to manifest that into making sense in your reality. Examples are important, but the end of the day I can "domesticate" myself as much as i want to, and still nothing can teach me how to be a wife, like actually being a wife. And the facts are, im not trying to be something that im not, or better yet, something that im not mentally and spiritually ready for. Now, who knows, the universe might say something different and i may wake up tomorrow morning with Mahershala Ali standing at my front door with a wedding ring, and in that case, who am I to argue with the universe ??? That would be rude. Lol ......... until then, as long as im single, my focus is completely on stacking my money, building my brand, and providing my son with as many outside traveling and extra curricular experiences as possible. And when I have to, Ill domesticate accordingly 😎. doesn’t mean im not spending. So, I guess being that my journey has been a bit “unconventional” to some, can possibly come across as “undomesticated”. But, in a generation of constantly evolving stereotypes and gender roles, im not even sure what the image of domesticated would look like anymore. So, I stepped out of my bubble, and I took a look around. I remember seeing girls I knew from high school blasting their new relationships on social media, being swept off their feet with star studded engagements and proposals, then having lavish weddings to follow, only to get divorced before they even made 30. Along these same timelines, I had friends of mine who never seemed to view marriage as a short term goal for themselves, but they were now investing in solid long term romantic commitments. I knew that I fell somewhere in between, I just wasn’t sure where. That same girl who once daydreamed about having quintuplets with the man of my dreams, just isnt sure that i see marriage on my agenda anymore. Im not gonna lie and say that I dont want it, or ive never wanted it, but as i once heard someone say recently, "Marriage was never considered a personal accomplishment for me." Its not something I study for, something im tested on, or something that i can say i actually set out and achieved after my own hard work and perseverance. Its a relationship solidified between two people based upon  unconditional love and their own individual commitment to each other, and that's something unfortunately everyone isnt able to experience. Some people dont want to get married, and some people want nothing more THAN to get married, but the lesson comes in finding what works for YOU, and how to manifest that into making sense in your reality. Examples are important, but the end of the day I can "domesticate" myself as much as i want to, and still nothing can teach me how to be a wife, like actually being a wife. And the facts are, im not trying to be something that im not, or better yet, something that im not mentally and spiritually ready for. Now, who knows, the universe might say something different and i may wake up tomorrow morning with Mahershala Ali standing at my front door with a wedding ring, and in that case, who am I to argue with the universe ??? That would be rude. Lol ......... until then, as long as im single, my focus is completely on stacking my money, building my brand, and providing my son with as many outside traveling and extra curricular experiences as possible. And when I have to, Ill domesticate accordingly 😎. 

Lent : Giving Up vs. Letting Go .....  The Season Of Shedding

Lent : Giving Up vs. Letting Go ..... The Season Of Shedding

Single Mom in The City ❤ : Finding the balance between Courtship and Co-Parenting

Single Mom in The City ❤ : Finding the balance between Courtship and Co-Parenting