The Last Time..
The last time I made love to you,
I fell in love with you
all over again.
And you're not even mine anymore.
I wore my feelings on my bare naked skin
as you held it all inside
damn near choked on your pride
and as I spit out my lingering love for you
I continued to ride the night away
to the rhythm of the awkward silence
as I got no response.
The last time I kissed you goodnight
led to the last time I fell asleep in your arms.
The last time you woke me up with your
sometimes shy tenderness
and the first time I knew I had to leave.
But felt it burning underneath my skin
because within me
I felt you.
And so I brought myself to the next time I missed you.
Which has become so common
it's like a sixth sense to me.
Constantly reminding myself of the last time I saw you.
Waiting for the day I can just have one last cry
and get chills again.
I wanna know,
when was the last time you looked at me and smiled?
Or the last time you were able to look at me and knew you loved me?
Cause the last time I wanted to go back to square one with you was...
I realized that I can't make myself any more available to you
than I already have.
Cause the last time I let you in,
And as bad I want you,
and think I need you,
I think I need to want to be without you.
Cause the more I see,
You're doing fine without me,
makes me understand that maybe I just can't have you.
Consistently asking myself the same question
"Is my happiness only found with someone by my side??"
to hold me up
cause it seems I let my guard down again.
But you took advantage of that
and shut me down with an attack.
I could raise my security up a notch but still have to watch my back.
Cause ain't no heartbreak detectors gonna protect me
or secure my heart from how you infect me.
Injecting me with your dirty needles of
and sweet lust that's still too tempting.
Being hammered to the cross with nails of
and premature devotions.
A victim of love's crucifixion.
Being hung with the ropes of half-baked emotions,
I was a victim of loves late night lynching's.
Flinching from the flames of your burning crosses,
and my many losses
that kept me running back to you
like a million wild racing horses.
But I still don't think you get it this time.
Cause everytime I got caught in the rapture of your smile,
I'd get tangled in the web of denial,
then walk back that mile to the position
I knew I never wanted to leave anyway.
But this time,
I can sit back and say
I am better than that.
I can talk to you and know that
I don't need the maybe's anymore.
Cause the probably's and the possibilities kept me praying.
The what-if's kept me wanting to work it out,
and now I see,
all the you-never-know's was bull shit
Its just that the can we's kept me calling,
the could have's kept me coming back.
And so now,
I want today to be the last time I say
"I'm over you."
The first time I can look at myself minus you
and know I'm still beautiful.
As I suddenly realize
that I CAN breathe without you.
And let that be the last time
you hurt me.